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Choosy Daters Win More Hearts

Just in time for Valentine's Day, Northwestern University researchers have some simple but scientifically proven dating advice:

Be picky!

Studying speed daters who met with a slew of potential partners for just four minutes each, they found that people who were romantically interested in most their dates were actually less likely to have their affections reciprocated.

Or as they put it:

The more you tend to experience romantic desire for all the potential romantic partners you meet, the study shows, the less likely it is that they will desire you in return. (Think too desperate, too indiscriminate.)

In contrast, when you desire a potential partner above and beyond your other options, only then is your desire likely to be reciprocated. (Think hallelujah, finally, someone really gets me.)

As the study notes, these findings run contrary to the classic friend-making strategy that says you increase the chances of people liking you by first showing you like them. So why should the quest for romantic partners be any different?

For one thing, while simply being noticed is enough to make us feel special in the eyes of a potential friend (of which we are allowed many), it's being singled out of the crowd that spells out true love in romantic lore.

People also want to feel like they're winning a contest when it comes to objects of affection (who ever pines for someone they know to be well within their league?)--and the value of a prize goes up the harder it is to obtain.

Of course it's also possible that the choosy folks just had more room for selectivity since they were more desirable to begin with. It helps that high levels of self-esteem and confidence don't just allow people to act less desperate, but also make them seem gosh-darn attractive.

And, even though study subjects were a bunch of undergraduate students probably fulfilling Psych 101 duties and not older adults weeding through compatible life partners, those who had a realistic idea about who they'd couple well with also probably had better chances of identifying promising matches--however few and far between.

Read more: Selectivity is Ultimate Aphrodisiac