According to researches at the University of Texas at Austin and the University of Michigan, children between the ages of 14 and 27 months who exhibit defiant but cooperative behavior when being controlled by their mothers are not behaving badly, but rather are showing signs of emerging autonomy and confidence in their ability to control their environment.
These results, published in the July/August 2007 issue of the journal Child Development, are based on videotaped interactions between 119 mothers and their 1- to 2-year-old children. The children were given toys to play with, while their mothers were asked to interact with them as they normally would and then have the children put the toys away once playtime was over.
When the researchers analyzed the tapes, they found that in many cases where mothers were positive during play -- giving praise or letting the child take the lead in a game -- their children cleaned up the toys without a fuss.
Researchers found that the same children who were most likely to show signs of defiance were also, ultimately, the most cooperative. These children tended to have mothers who were sensitive and exhibited few symptoms of depression. On the other hand, children whose mothers had symptoms of depression typically ignored their mother and exhibited less defiance when asked to stop a preferred activity.
"These results imply that, at ages when parents first ask children to conform to requests and commands, active resistance is not a sign of problems in child development or in relations with parents and children. To the contrary, at these very young ages, children's active resistance may reflect a healthy confidence in their ability to control events and natural, although immature attempts to do so.
"For many toddlers, in other words, it may be a sign that they feel confident and empowered," said lead author Theodore Dix, associate professor of human development and family science at the University of Texas at Austin.
Dix says parents shouldn't worry if they're lucky enough to have an agreeable toddler, though. Rather, it is the behavior of ignoring the mother that is most alarming.
"We think that this may be because the children of mothers high in depressive symptoms are learning to be passive and are not learning to be confident and assertive," Dix said.
He hypothesizes that depressed mothers may create an unpredictable environment that inhibits their children from developing a sense of control.
Which isn't to say parents should let a terrible two rule the roost. Dix says children also need to learn to control their emotions. While this may be a tall order for kids, he says parents can help teach them to do so via their own patient behavior.
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